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stillonmystringLet's talk movies. I haven't actually watched that many lately but I also haven't talked about any in awhile so it's going to seem like I've been busy. First of all, movies I've seen in the theater - I don't actually go out and see new movies very often because a. it costs money which I don't usually have, b. the ones I actually want to see are the little indie flicks they don't show in the super lame theater closest to me so I must make a long trek if I want to see anything decent, and c. IT COSTS A LOT OF MONEY! So the last one I talked about was (500) Days of Summer, which I actually did make a long trek to see (granted, there were other reasons for the trip too) and was absolutely amazing and is coming out on DVD right before Christmas so I'm totally purchasing it ASAP. Anyway, since then, I believe I've only seen two others. The first was Paranormal Activity which was pretty decent as far as horror movies go. The notable thing about it is that you never actually see any monster or demon or what-have-you so you actually have to use your imagination a bit. Also, the scary stuff starts off as really lame and mild at first (i.e. strange noises, doors slamming by themselves) and builds up very slowly which makes the stuff that happens later on genuinely frightening. Though, to be honest, I wasn't really that freaked out by it. Sure, I jumped a few times and was slightly scared in the moment but I didn't think about it and shudder for ages afterward or anything. I think I only get truly scared by things that could actually happen in real life, like murder and torture and all that fun stuff (and it doesn't help that my threshold for visual gore is not very high), but things like ghosts and curses and exorcisms and the like, even if there is "evidence" that these things might exist as well, they seem pretty much impossible to me so I don't take them as seriously or dwell on them as long, if that makes sense.
And the second movie I saw was, of course, New Moon, which was predictably hilariously bad - though I did think it was actually better than Twilight from a "serious film critic" perspective. The best thing about it was the first scene in which Jacob rips off his shirt - it was so gratuitous and made even more hilarious by the fact that all he was doing was attending to Bella's head wound - and then that he remains shirtless for pretty much the rest of the movie's duration; I am not one of those people who thinks he's uber-attractive at all (kid's ugly, in my opinion, and also 17 which is officially too young for me now), I just found it so funny. The worst thing about it was Edward's shirtlessness - Pattinson really needs to work out more if he plans on doing that in any of the other movies because he is not ripped in even the slightest and actually looks rather gross. Though that might have been partly the fault of all that pasty makeup they put on him (and are the ruby red lips really necessary? I was hoping they would have gotten rid of them this time around). But, either way, ew. And, finally, the most puzzling thing about it was JASPER'S FREAKING PERMANENT (my sister will get this joke; anyone else, not so much). I mean, Jackson is a very attractive guy, probably the cutest of them all, and they give him the worst hairdo this side of Jacob's ratty long-haired wig imaginable. In the first movie, it was ugly but bearable; in this movie, it is simply a travesty and made me want to throw up in my mouth. The only thing saving it is Jackson's pretty pretty face. As far as acting goes, there was less stuttering and rapid eye-blinking from Kristen but she was still pretty loathsome. I think it's partly Bella though - I mean, what an annoying little twit that girl is. At least Kristen plays her true to character, I guess.
And for Rob's acting, I have to go off on a tangent here. I have come to the conclusion that he must be purposely terrible in these films. He plays Edward so woodenly and emotionlessly; his voice and face stay practically frozen the entire time. I get that he's a vampire but he's not a freaking robot and that's all I think of whenever I see him. So my conclusion is that he just fucking hates Edward and wants to make him as unsympathetic and unrelatable as possible. The final nail in the coffin (haha, unintentional vampire joke is lame) as far as this theory goes was the trailer for this upcoming movie of his, Remember Me, that they showed before New Moon. The similarity between both movies is that he speaks in an American accent. The difference is that in Remember Me he actually seems to be human, as in he emits real emotion and his accent doesn't sound so stilted and mildly like someone who is slow in the head and, overall, he actually seems - GASP! - like an acceptable actor. Honestly, it seems like two different people as far as I could tell from that brief trailer. So hopefully he really is making the conscious choice to totally phone it in with Edward because otherwise, I just cannot fathom how completely horrible he is!
Anyway, now onto other movies I've watched in the past few months from Netflix:
Barcelona - This is directed by the same guy who did Metropolitan, a movie I talked about awhile ago, and it features a couple of the same actors though it is not about the same characters. It is also not quite as good though I did like it a lot. But I didn't really start to like it until about halfway through or maybe even more, when something dramatic happens and I don't want to say what but I was COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY SHOCKED by it and it takes a lot to actually stun me like that. So, overall, it was very enjoyable but it's a bit slow-going at first. Also, Thomas Gibson is in it! I totally freaked out when I saw him because I am most used to seeing him on Criminal Minds where he is so serious and grave all the time so it's always weird to stumble across him in completely different roles (like in a Flintstones movie, but we won't go there because I'm embarrassed I've even seen those). Also, he's soooooo young here! It's crazy!
Mean Creek - This movie is basically a rip-off of this older movie, Bully, but I actually thought Bully was kind of boring and liked this better. But I didn't love it or anything. The plotline was rather predictable but the acting was good, considering how young some of the kids in it are. And also considering where I've seen a couple of them in the past - Carly Schroeder on Lizzie Maguire when she was just a wee little tyke (I can't believe that show was actually on so many years ago; I feel old now) and Josh Peck on, of course, Drake & Josh. I found him the most questionable as far as acting goes though; I mean, he wasn't bad but he's just got this certain Josh-ness about him that makes it so that he can only play certain types of characters and you can never really quite take him seriously.
Running with Scissors - Is it wrong that I didn't think this was quite as bad as I was supposed to? I mean, the movie itself wasn't great - there were parts that should have been included that weren't and vice versa, there were several unnecessary changes made, the script was iffy at times, it was way too long, etc. The thing that saved it, for me, was the acting. Specifically Annette Bening who, as overdramatic and villianized the character of Deirdre was, impressed me very much. She brought the crazy very well. I also really liked Joseph Cross as Augusten. I've never seen him in anything else and maybe he wasn't the most book-accurate choice but he was very good and very cute - and I always appreciate cuteness. As good as he was though, one of the things that bugged me most was that we're supposed to believe he's 13-14 at the beginning and 17-18 by the end but he is so laughably not 14 and absolutely no effort is made to disguise this fact. If they weren't willing to have more than one actor play the part, they should've just scrapped the whole timeline and made everything happen over the course of just one or two years. His age would've been much less distracting that way.
Atonement - This was okay but the book is waaaaaay better - which isn't surprising as that's usually the case. Again, there were things omitted and changed for no apparent reason; these changes didn't really help or hinder the story in any noticeable way. The unconventional ending here wasn't nearly as affecting as it was in the book and I was distracted by the fact that the actress who played 18-year-old Briony looked far older than 18 and even looked older than her supposed older sister (by several years) Cecilia (Keira Knightley who apparently won't even look at a script that doesn't involve the words "period film"). Yes, I have a problem with actors who don't look the age they're supposed to, have you noticed? The best thing about this was James McAvoy who is officially my new movie star boyfriend.
The Rules of Attraction - Not bad but I think you know what I'm going to say. Hint: just re-read the first sentence about Atonement above. I was iffy about this because of the James Van der Beek association but he was actually rather acceptable. Also, Shannyn Sossamon is adorable but I already knew that from some random episode of Law & Order: SVU I saw her on. Ian Somerhalder is cute too. Clearly, the only thing I focus on when I watch movies is how cute the actors are, God. Anyway, this didn't stray too far from the book and there were some interesting visual choices made (like the first meeting scene between Sean and Lauren) but, obviously, I'd take the book over this any day.
Fight Club - So much better now that I've actually read the book and understand what's going on. I've seen this movie in bits and pieces several times before but never really got it. Now that I finally do I can say that I actually like it a lot. And, out of all of the book-to-film adaptations mentioned so far, this is easily the best. It stayed very close to the book while also carving its own identity. Brad Pitt annoys me in real life but this was a good role for him. Though sometimes he was a bit too hammy and over-the-top so I much preferred Edward Norton's subtleness to him overall.
The Informers - TERRIBLE. Another Bret Easton Ellis adaptation but I didn't much like the source material either so I already knew I wouldn't like it. The cast list for this looks pretty impressive on paper but none of the acting seemed that great to me - though maybe it was just the horrible script bringing everybody down. I don't typically like to speak ill of the dead but Brad Renfro was especially horrible here; he overacts so much. I literally cringed every time he was on screen and wished that he would just tone down the paranoid routine a bit. Jesus, it was painful to witness. The most entertaining thing about this was seeing Lou Taylor Pucci (from The Go-Getter) with blond, spiky hair and not even recognizing him until the credits rolled and his name popped up - and even then I couldn't believe it was actually him.
The Last Days of Disco - Pretty much exactly like Metropolitan and Barcelona with different characters in a different setting (it even had cameos from characters in those movies!) but it was definitely my favorite of the three. It had a lot more immediate jokes. "You do have a gay mouth." LOL. Also, I love Chloe Sevigny. And I definitely watch far too much television because the first thing I do when I watch a movie now is play Spot the TV Star. Michael Weatherly! Robert Sean Leonard! It is very amusing.
Okay, so that's Netflix. Movies I've seen on TV... The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I liked it a lot more than I thought I would. It was pretty entertaining and the battle scene was epic and the scenery was so pretty. Also, JAMES MCAVOY! How can you go wrong there? Another movie I watched a few days ago was Shattered Glass which shows on IFC all the time and I've been wanting to catch but never managed to before. I was pretty underwhelmed by it, to be honest. I'd heard good things about Hayden Christensen's performance here but he didn't impress me at all. Peter Sarsgaard was far better. But it was just a pretty bland movie in general.
Annnnnnnd... yesterday I was bored so I did a double-feature of Gigantic and Splendor because I downloaded both a long time ago but never got around to watching them. Gigantic was cute and I love me some Zooey D. but it had a lot of flaws. The actual main storyline wasn't focused on enough and there was too much going on that was completely unrelated. Brian getting shot in the foot outside his parents' house? His brother's association with the Chinese black market? His creepy and possibly non-existent homeless stalker? What did these things have to do with the plot at all? I have no idea because they were never expanded upon. In that scene where he apparently stabs his stalker to death and then these guys walk up to him and the homeless dead dude seems to have disappeared? And he says something like "This has been happening for a long time" in this creepy mumble? I seriously thought Paul "Too Young to Be a Dad" Dano was going to go psycho on everybody's asses and kill off the entire cast at that point. But then nothing happened. And he got his little Chinese baby and he and Happy reconciled and I was just like, WTF IS HAPPENING HERE?!? It made absolutely no sense. So I can see why it hasn't gotten much attention. As for Splendor, it was totally predictable and kind of fluffy and meaningless but it was super cute! And again, I must say that there was lots of eye candy between Kathleen Robertson and Johnathon Schaech and Kelly Macdonald was just adorable in a really annoying loudmouth way. My only problem with it was my personal opinion that Veronica should have just dropped Zed and stayed with Abel because I really fucking hated Zed. But oh well. I still loved it.
And that was a whole lot of rambling. So I will stop now.
And the second movie I saw was, of course, New Moon, which was predictably hilariously bad - though I did think it was actually better than Twilight from a "serious film critic" perspective. The best thing about it was the first scene in which Jacob rips off his shirt - it was so gratuitous and made even more hilarious by the fact that all he was doing was attending to Bella's head wound - and then that he remains shirtless for pretty much the rest of the movie's duration; I am not one of those people who thinks he's uber-attractive at all (kid's ugly, in my opinion, and also 17 which is officially too young for me now), I just found it so funny. The worst thing about it was Edward's shirtlessness - Pattinson really needs to work out more if he plans on doing that in any of the other movies because he is not ripped in even the slightest and actually looks rather gross. Though that might have been partly the fault of all that pasty makeup they put on him (and are the ruby red lips really necessary? I was hoping they would have gotten rid of them this time around). But, either way, ew. And, finally, the most puzzling thing about it was JASPER'S FREAKING PERMANENT (my sister will get this joke; anyone else, not so much). I mean, Jackson is a very attractive guy, probably the cutest of them all, and they give him the worst hairdo this side of Jacob's ratty long-haired wig imaginable. In the first movie, it was ugly but bearable; in this movie, it is simply a travesty and made me want to throw up in my mouth. The only thing saving it is Jackson's pretty pretty face. As far as acting goes, there was less stuttering and rapid eye-blinking from Kristen but she was still pretty loathsome. I think it's partly Bella though - I mean, what an annoying little twit that girl is. At least Kristen plays her true to character, I guess.
And for Rob's acting, I have to go off on a tangent here. I have come to the conclusion that he must be purposely terrible in these films. He plays Edward so woodenly and emotionlessly; his voice and face stay practically frozen the entire time. I get that he's a vampire but he's not a freaking robot and that's all I think of whenever I see him. So my conclusion is that he just fucking hates Edward and wants to make him as unsympathetic and unrelatable as possible. The final nail in the coffin (haha, unintentional vampire joke is lame) as far as this theory goes was the trailer for this upcoming movie of his, Remember Me, that they showed before New Moon. The similarity between both movies is that he speaks in an American accent. The difference is that in Remember Me he actually seems to be human, as in he emits real emotion and his accent doesn't sound so stilted and mildly like someone who is slow in the head and, overall, he actually seems - GASP! - like an acceptable actor. Honestly, it seems like two different people as far as I could tell from that brief trailer. So hopefully he really is making the conscious choice to totally phone it in with Edward because otherwise, I just cannot fathom how completely horrible he is!
Anyway, now onto other movies I've watched in the past few months from Netflix:
Barcelona - This is directed by the same guy who did Metropolitan, a movie I talked about awhile ago, and it features a couple of the same actors though it is not about the same characters. It is also not quite as good though I did like it a lot. But I didn't really start to like it until about halfway through or maybe even more, when something dramatic happens and I don't want to say what but I was COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY SHOCKED by it and it takes a lot to actually stun me like that. So, overall, it was very enjoyable but it's a bit slow-going at first. Also, Thomas Gibson is in it! I totally freaked out when I saw him because I am most used to seeing him on Criminal Minds where he is so serious and grave all the time so it's always weird to stumble across him in completely different roles (like in a Flintstones movie, but we won't go there because I'm embarrassed I've even seen those). Also, he's soooooo young here! It's crazy!
Mean Creek - This movie is basically a rip-off of this older movie, Bully, but I actually thought Bully was kind of boring and liked this better. But I didn't love it or anything. The plotline was rather predictable but the acting was good, considering how young some of the kids in it are. And also considering where I've seen a couple of them in the past - Carly Schroeder on Lizzie Maguire when she was just a wee little tyke (I can't believe that show was actually on so many years ago; I feel old now) and Josh Peck on, of course, Drake & Josh. I found him the most questionable as far as acting goes though; I mean, he wasn't bad but he's just got this certain Josh-ness about him that makes it so that he can only play certain types of characters and you can never really quite take him seriously.
Running with Scissors - Is it wrong that I didn't think this was quite as bad as I was supposed to? I mean, the movie itself wasn't great - there were parts that should have been included that weren't and vice versa, there were several unnecessary changes made, the script was iffy at times, it was way too long, etc. The thing that saved it, for me, was the acting. Specifically Annette Bening who, as overdramatic and villianized the character of Deirdre was, impressed me very much. She brought the crazy very well. I also really liked Joseph Cross as Augusten. I've never seen him in anything else and maybe he wasn't the most book-accurate choice but he was very good and very cute - and I always appreciate cuteness. As good as he was though, one of the things that bugged me most was that we're supposed to believe he's 13-14 at the beginning and 17-18 by the end but he is so laughably not 14 and absolutely no effort is made to disguise this fact. If they weren't willing to have more than one actor play the part, they should've just scrapped the whole timeline and made everything happen over the course of just one or two years. His age would've been much less distracting that way.
Atonement - This was okay but the book is waaaaaay better - which isn't surprising as that's usually the case. Again, there were things omitted and changed for no apparent reason; these changes didn't really help or hinder the story in any noticeable way. The unconventional ending here wasn't nearly as affecting as it was in the book and I was distracted by the fact that the actress who played 18-year-old Briony looked far older than 18 and even looked older than her supposed older sister (by several years) Cecilia (Keira Knightley who apparently won't even look at a script that doesn't involve the words "period film"). Yes, I have a problem with actors who don't look the age they're supposed to, have you noticed? The best thing about this was James McAvoy who is officially my new movie star boyfriend.
The Rules of Attraction - Not bad but I think you know what I'm going to say. Hint: just re-read the first sentence about Atonement above. I was iffy about this because of the James Van der Beek association but he was actually rather acceptable. Also, Shannyn Sossamon is adorable but I already knew that from some random episode of Law & Order: SVU I saw her on. Ian Somerhalder is cute too. Clearly, the only thing I focus on when I watch movies is how cute the actors are, God. Anyway, this didn't stray too far from the book and there were some interesting visual choices made (like the first meeting scene between Sean and Lauren) but, obviously, I'd take the book over this any day.
Fight Club - So much better now that I've actually read the book and understand what's going on. I've seen this movie in bits and pieces several times before but never really got it. Now that I finally do I can say that I actually like it a lot. And, out of all of the book-to-film adaptations mentioned so far, this is easily the best. It stayed very close to the book while also carving its own identity. Brad Pitt annoys me in real life but this was a good role for him. Though sometimes he was a bit too hammy and over-the-top so I much preferred Edward Norton's subtleness to him overall.
The Informers - TERRIBLE. Another Bret Easton Ellis adaptation but I didn't much like the source material either so I already knew I wouldn't like it. The cast list for this looks pretty impressive on paper but none of the acting seemed that great to me - though maybe it was just the horrible script bringing everybody down. I don't typically like to speak ill of the dead but Brad Renfro was especially horrible here; he overacts so much. I literally cringed every time he was on screen and wished that he would just tone down the paranoid routine a bit. Jesus, it was painful to witness. The most entertaining thing about this was seeing Lou Taylor Pucci (from The Go-Getter) with blond, spiky hair and not even recognizing him until the credits rolled and his name popped up - and even then I couldn't believe it was actually him.
The Last Days of Disco - Pretty much exactly like Metropolitan and Barcelona with different characters in a different setting (it even had cameos from characters in those movies!) but it was definitely my favorite of the three. It had a lot more immediate jokes. "You do have a gay mouth." LOL. Also, I love Chloe Sevigny. And I definitely watch far too much television because the first thing I do when I watch a movie now is play Spot the TV Star. Michael Weatherly! Robert Sean Leonard! It is very amusing.
Okay, so that's Netflix. Movies I've seen on TV... The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I liked it a lot more than I thought I would. It was pretty entertaining and the battle scene was epic and the scenery was so pretty. Also, JAMES MCAVOY! How can you go wrong there? Another movie I watched a few days ago was Shattered Glass which shows on IFC all the time and I've been wanting to catch but never managed to before. I was pretty underwhelmed by it, to be honest. I'd heard good things about Hayden Christensen's performance here but he didn't impress me at all. Peter Sarsgaard was far better. But it was just a pretty bland movie in general.
Annnnnnnd... yesterday I was bored so I did a double-feature of Gigantic and Splendor because I downloaded both a long time ago but never got around to watching them. Gigantic was cute and I love me some Zooey D. but it had a lot of flaws. The actual main storyline wasn't focused on enough and there was too much going on that was completely unrelated. Brian getting shot in the foot outside his parents' house? His brother's association with the Chinese black market? His creepy and possibly non-existent homeless stalker? What did these things have to do with the plot at all? I have no idea because they were never expanded upon. In that scene where he apparently stabs his stalker to death and then these guys walk up to him and the homeless dead dude seems to have disappeared? And he says something like "This has been happening for a long time" in this creepy mumble? I seriously thought Paul "Too Young to Be a Dad" Dano was going to go psycho on everybody's asses and kill off the entire cast at that point. But then nothing happened. And he got his little Chinese baby and he and Happy reconciled and I was just like, WTF IS HAPPENING HERE?!? It made absolutely no sense. So I can see why it hasn't gotten much attention. As for Splendor, it was totally predictable and kind of fluffy and meaningless but it was super cute! And again, I must say that there was lots of eye candy between Kathleen Robertson and Johnathon Schaech and Kelly Macdonald was just adorable in a really annoying loudmouth way. My only problem with it was my personal opinion that Veronica should have just dropped Zed and stayed with Abel because I really fucking hated Zed. But oh well. I still loved it.
And that was a whole lot of rambling. So I will stop now.
