All I want is the perfect love, though I know it's small, I want love for us all.

OMG, I just read this review of a Sufjan Stevens show from a couple nights ago and was like HOLY CRAP I NEED TO SEE HIM LIVE so I go look at his tour dates and it turns out he was in Michigan FUCKING TONIGHT. WTFFFFFF?!?!?!? I hope he tours more in support of this album because it sounds like it is fucking phenomenal live. And it's basically all I've been listening to with any consistency lately. That and various other Sufjan songs, because I'm still trying to get into his back catalog and really loving some songs, but I'm just not feeling any other album as much as I do the stuff he's released this year. Oh, also, I've been listening a lot to Hospice by the Antlers these past few days. I listened to this last year around when it was released and thought it was insanely boring and couldn't even remember five minutes later what any of it sounded like. But since it seems so universally loved, I decided to check it out again and I had it sitting on my mp3 player and "Sylvia" came up on shuffle and I loved it so I listened to the whole album and now I'm kind of obsessed. Strangely enough, it's not nearly as quiet and reserved and simplistic overall as I remembered it being. And it's ridiculously emotional and devastating. I didn't know that it was all supposed to tell a story before but now that I do, guh, it's so much more depressing. The whole album kind of makes me hurt inside in a really good way. Back to Sufjan, "John Wayne Gacy, Jr." is a song that does that to me as well. It like... actually makes my stomach feel strange and queasy because it's just so upsetting and chilling but it's so damn good that I can't help but subject myself to the horror over and over again. Those last few lines kill me: "And in my best behavior/I am really just like him/Look beneath the floorboards/For the secrets I have hid." HOLY SHIT SO CREEPY. And his falsetto on the "oh my god" and "on the mouth" bits, asdkjfdgklweutgjskldgja, IT KILLS ME, KILLS ME! SUFJAN, HOW ARE YOU SUCH A FUCKING MUSICAL GENIUS?!? Seriously, he is so damn brilliant that he actually makes me love and sing along shamelessly to a song that tells me to "get real, get right with the Lord." I don't agree with it but, fuck it, it's just so ridiculously catchy. Damn, I even love "Djohariah" to death now and the first time I heard it I'm like, "No way am I sitting through about twelve minutes of guitar noodling every time I listen to this EP." But now that looooooong build-up to the part of the song with actual real lyrics seems so epic and cathartic to me that it's like as close to a fucking religious experience that a non-religious person can get. IT'S AMAZING, OKAY?!?

Alrighty then... I am clearly past the point of no return with this obsession because I am using excessive curse words to get across my point and I can't even say one bad thing about any of his music anymore. But I don't even care. IT IS SO GLORIOUS. SUFJAN IS LIKE A MUSICAL GOD AND I DON'T EVEN CARE IF HE WOULD TAKE OFFENSE TO 
THAT DESCRIPTION, OKAY.

Bye now.

The sensation was scissors and too much to scream so instead, I just started to laugh.

Hello. So. Sorry about the squee-fest last night. Sometimes, I just need to get that sort of thing out and I like to do it here so that when I get around to posting to my music blog it actually sounds semi-professional and not like I'm five years old. I also apologize for this because I'm about to do it again, just for a moment. But this:

When I try to move my arms sometimes,
they weigh too much to lift.
I think you buried me awake
(my one and only parting gift).

KILLS ME.

And this:

When your helicopter came and tried to lift me out,
I put its rope around my neck
and after that, you didn't bother with the airlift or the rescue;
you knew just what to expect.

TOTALLY KILLS ME. KILLS ME COMPLETELY DEAD. MY GOD. HOW MUCH MORE DEPRESSING CAN YOU GET?!?

Ahem.

Anyway. The actual point of this post is to talk about my latest writing endeavors. Which have been few and far between because the creative portion of my brain seems to be half-dead right now. But I'm trying to work past it. Last night and this morning, I managed to finish the next chapter of my longish-though-I-don't-really-know-how-long story which is here. Granted, it didn't really involve a lot of actual writing, just lots of word-switching and phrase-changing and maybe a few brand new sentences here and there, but I need to ease myself back into the process slowly. Now that I've got that done I'm going to try to do something more substantial. There are a lot of options right now. I still have about three half-finished short stories, along with one I've recently sort of halfheartedly started (I'm not feeling halfhearted about the story itself, just the trying to get down on paper what works so well in my head), not to mention the many ideas I still have sitting around that haven't progressed past a couple sentences. I also have, of course, the major story, which I have lots of bits and pieces of finished but a lot to fill in between those bits. So I've been thinking: next month is National Novel Writing Month and, while I'm not going to promise myself I'll write a whole freaking novel in that time (because I know me and it probably won't happen, especially if I'm forcing it), I think it might be a good idea to use it to progress as far as possible with that story as I can in that time. So, until then, I'm going to try to wrap up some of my less ambitious pieces. Honestly, they really don't need that much more work to be finished; it's just that I get stuck on one particular section and can't seem to get back into the groove again. But I am going to try. Because I hate when I go through these periods of never being able to write. And if I ever want to achieve the pipe dream of being a legitimate, published author someday I definitely have to learn how to force myself to be more disciplined and consistent. So, yes. I should probably wrap this up and go write something proper, shouldn't I?

P.S. HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS FIERCE JANELLE MONAE USERPIC?!? FABULOUS, I KNOW.