stillonmystring: (the gubenator)
[personal profile] stillonmystring
Next post will be the start of generation four. Yay! Well, just barely but still. Excitement.



Jonathan: Hey, babe, wanna go make out?
Bree: Sorry, can it wait a minute? I'm on the phone with my other boyfriend right now.



I am going to take this invitation as a sign that Matthew, the guy Bree met at the end of the last installment, is truly her soulmate and the one she is meant to pursue. So the answer to his query is a resounding HELL YEAH.



As soon as they got downtown, though, this lesbian girl started swooning over Bree. I'm beginning to think this entire neighborhood is made up of lesbians.
Townie: HEY, GIRLFRIEND, YOU ARE SO HOT RIGHT NOW YOU ARE ON FIRE!
Bree: Um, yeah, thanks but sorry, I don't swing that way.



Then Bree and Matthew tried to get on with their date but this crazy girl kept stalking them!



Townie: Oh, look at that brown-breasted... brownbreast over there. Just spectacular!
Bree: You know she's not actually looking at birds, don't you?



Matthew: Oh my God, you're totally right! She's not watching birds, she's watching us!
Bree: This shit is like something out of a horror movie right now, seriously.



They decided to get away by having a hot, hot woohoo session.



Bree: HOLY SHIT! THAT WAS SO TOTALLY AMAZING! I LOVE SEX, JUST LOVE IT!



Townie: Damn, girl, break me off a piece of that! I love sex too. Interested in seeing what I can do next?
Bree: Sorry, my boyfriend is so totally swoon-worthy and you are so totally not.



Oh, look, guess who followed them inside? And she has the audacity to call them the crazy ones, as she stands so close that HER ARM IS BEING IMPALED BY BREE'S HAIR! Pot, meet kettle.



Bree: OH MY GOD, THAT STUPID BITCH IS STILL FOLLOWING ME! GET RID OF HER!!!
Matthew: Don't worry, babe, I've totally got this under control.



Bree: GOOD. NOW GO BEAT HER UP. BUT FIRST GIVE ME A HOT, ANGRY KISS.



Bree: LET'S GO KICK HER ASS!!!



The two of them teamed up to teach their stalker a lesson but then she tried to act all innocent and confused.



Bree & Matthew: THIS BITCH IS GOING DOWN.
Townie: Oh boy... this isn't turning out at all as I expected.



Matthew: LISTEN UP NOW! MY GIRLFRIEND IS NOT INTERESTED IN YOU AND IF YOU DON'T STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HER I'M GOING HAVE TO POUND YOU INTO NEXT SUNDAY, GOT IT?!? I'M NOT AFRAID TO BEAT UP A GIRL IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!
Bree: Oh, honey, you're defending my honor so well. I think I'm falling in love with you.



Townie: YOU ARE A SICK, SAD MAN BEATING UP ON A GIRL! GO PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE, YOU PUSSY!
Bree: KILL HER, BABY, KILL HER DEAD!



Bree: Don't listen to her. You're not a pussy! And she'll get what's coming to her, trust me.



And actually, Bree's parable came true! This guy in a fanny pack proved he was much tougher than his outfit implied by taking up the vacated position of this girl's bully.



Townie: HELLO, GOOD SIR! EVERYONE SEEMS TO WANT TO BEAT ME UP TONIGHT AND I NEED A STIFF DRINK STAT! GIVE ME YOUR STRONGEST STUFF!



Townie: Maybe if I just pretend I don't notice him he'll leave me alone.
Fanny Pack: I see you and I am going to kill you and I have all the time in the world to wait.
I am still unsure as to how the night progressed between these two. I can only assume it was bloody.



Back at the dorm, Brendan is attempting to impress everyone with his super awesome pool tricks... except he isn't actually any good at them.
Brendan: Oh God, I hope no one just saw that.



Dormie: I totally did and now I'm going to go tell everyone else what a loser you are.
Brendan: Fuck.



Brendan chose to deal with his failure by getting the hell out of there and instead succeeding at taking his girlfriend's virginity in the most classy way imaginable.



Queenie: Well, I'll be damned, that was certainly most enjoyable.



Brendan: Haha, who's a loser now?!? CERTAINLY NOT I!



Brendan: OH MY GOODNESS, LOOK AT HOW CUTE THESE PICTURES OF US ARE!!!
Queenie: You are impaling my breasts right now and I would like you to please stop. Thank you very much.



Brendan makes up to her by, apparently, eating her face off instead.



Townie: Why, hello there, friends! Having a good dinner?
Queenie: Bitch, don't even.



Townie: I'm sorry, is this your girlfriend? Because I was just going to make an offer to you but now that I know you're taken...



Brendan: Wait, an offer? Of what nature is this offer, if I may ask?



Townie: Oh, it's just an offer. I think I need say no more. If you catch my drift.



Queenie: What the hell?!? I am still here and you are supposed to be on a date with me!



Queenie: NOW TELL ME, WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING OPENLY FLIRTING WITH THIS BITCH?!?



Brendan: Flirting, babe? I was most definitely not flirting. That girl isn't even pretty. You're clearly so much better than her.
Townie: Alright, I see how it is. Bastard.
(By the way, this townie is totes adorable and I somehow need her babies someday.)



Brendan: FOR REAL, THIS BITCH IS SO FUCKING UGLY THERE AREN'T EVEN WORDS ENOUGH TO DESCRIBE HER UGLINESS!
Townie: *is now suicidal, thanks a lot, Brendan*



Queenie: SERIOUSLY. If I ever catch you so much as looking at another girl...



Queenie: You'll never get to feel these again in your life!



Brendan: I repent, I repent! Now BRB, I gotta go to the bathroom.



Apparently, Brendan's repenting wasn't good enough for Queenie because as soon as he went off and left her alone for five minutes, SHE SLUTTED IT UP IN THE PHOTO BOOTH WITH THIS EVAN DUDE, WHO HAS ONLY BEEN TRYING TO GET A CHICK TO WOOHOO WITH HIM FOREVER NOW! GODDAMN IT! AND HERE I THOUGHT SHE WAS A SWEET, NAIVE LITTLE GIRL THIS ENTIRE TIME! FOR SHAME, QUEENIE, FOR SHAME!



Meanwhile, Brendan is reacquainting himself with childhood, none the wiser. *shakes head* I am so shocked by this development that I don't even know what to think of it. So for now I'm going to leave it alone.



Back at the dorm, I guess this is everyone's favorite room to gather in now. O... kay?



Bree: They like me, they really, really like me!



Brendan: Oh my God, that girl just peed on herself. And she's ugly. Sucks to be her.
Bree: HOLY SHIT DID I MENTION I LOVE GRILLED CHEESE?!? YOU MUST LOVE IT TOO, RIGHT? RIGHT?!? I MEAN, HOW CAN YOU NOT???



Matthew: Grilled cheese? Disgusting! I can't even swallow it I hate it that much!



Bree: B-but... YOU STILL LOVE ME, DON'T YOU?!?



Matthew: Hells yeah, babe, you are totally foxy! Just make sure to brush your teeth after you eat it, okay?
Brendan: *is very unsubtle in his spying techniques*



Even though he is not a grilled cheese fanatic, Bree decides Matthew is marrying material anyway and proposes to him.
Brendan: *is still unsubtle*



Accepted? Clearly.



Jonathan: DUDE! THAT CHICK WAS MINE! HOW DARE YOU STEAL HER RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER MY NOSE?!?
Matthew: I've never even met you before, man. Why must you yell at me?



Jonathan: Will you at least let me fry her eggs before she's spoken for?
Matthew: Whoa, whoa, no man but me is ever getting anywhere close to her eggs, okay?
Bree: Boys fighting over me. Fun!



Jonathan: *heart crushed, horniness reaching critical levels*



Yes! Finally! College is over! For these guys anyway. They pass with flying colors despite the fact that we've never seen them so much as crack open a book.



I grew up all of the dormies too so that I wouldn't have to deal with that dreaded forever-in-college syndrome and Jonathan aged up into this, um, very interesting farmer ensemble. I guess we really dodged a bullet there, huh?



Though Bree did grow up into this odd oriental-inspired piece herself. Maybe their wacky fashion sense means they were meant for each other after all.



Ah, much better, yes? Anyway, despite the fact that she is a lot of fun, I've ended up deciding to go with Brendan instead of Bree. Mostly, it came down to the fact that I didn't feel much of a connection to either of her suitors while I fell in love with Queenie right away (as soon as she got rid of her Bree hair anyway). Also, Brendan is awesome too. But we will have plenty of time to catch up with him so first let's update ourselves on some other happenings in the family!



First, here is Baxter grown up into a teen, adorably massive nose and all.



And here he is after I sent him off to college because, sadly, we'll probably never see him again. Sorry, kid! You really are quite adorable but thems the breaks! (Also, clearly I changed default alien skintones in between these pictures, just in case you're wondering why he looks so different.)



Over at August's house, Bethany has grown up into THE MOST ADORABLE CHILD EVER. SERIOUSLY. LOOK AT THIS FACE.



LOOK AT IT!!!



LOOOOOOOOOK AT IT!!!!! Okay. That's enough. I think you get the point.



Random Townie: Daaaaaamn, look at that tight little ass!



August: Hmm. Should I or should I not attempt to tap that?



Alisa: If you give that woman so much as the time of day, I will divorce your ass so fast you won't even know what hit you!
August: *plays innocent and hopes it works out*



Fast forward a few days and it's time for the twins' first birthday party! Mostly, it was just an occasion for everyone to gather around the gaming system.



But oh yeah, there were also actual birthdays! I believe Bailey is first up.



Followed by Berkeley. Both of them adorable, naturally.



But then... the dreaded dirty diaper stink invaded the household. There were varying reactions. Amelia's "oh good LORD, what is that?!?" face.



Bianca's "get that disgusting little maggot away from me" face.



And Ben's "that strange smell, there on the horizon, whatever could it be?" face. Which is your favorite? Discuss.



Well, these kids are just doing really well for themselves so far, aren't they?



Meanwhile, this TOTALLY RANDOM ASS STRANGER crashed the party! Even though he looked less than enthused to be in attendance.



Then he showed what he was really there for. TO BE A SLEAZE AND ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE ALISA!



Obviously, she shut that down before it even got started. It's nice to see she's faithful to her husband. Unlike some certain ex-wives. I won't name names. You know who you are, *coughDolliecough*.

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Shannon

January 2012

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